Sam Horn has extraordinary tongue talent. But before you imagine a guy with multiple piercings licking his nose, know that Sam is a woman and her talent is using words as a martial art. A Toastmaster’s dream, she is the author of Tongue Fu! How To Deflect, Disarm and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict. With growing world tension, “Anger Management” is becoming a bonafide industry, and “non-violent communication” is no longer an option—it’s a necessity.
As the top-rated speaker at both the 1996 and 1998 International Platform Association conventions in Washington, D.C., Horn is very much a leader in the field. She’s addressed the U.S. Army, Navy and Air Force, the IRS, Four Season Resorts, Hewlett-Packard, Kaiser Permanente and NASA, all of whom have requested return engagements, perhaps because (say Maui Writers Conference directors Shannon and John Tullius) “her warmth and enthusiasm wrap an audience of 50 or 500 in an intimate cocoon.” She’s been interviewed on National Public Radio, Good Morning New York, Bloomberg Radio and USA Radio Network, and has been featured in The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Seattle Times and Family Circle. She’s even “stumped the panel” on TV’s To Tell The Truth. Endorsed by popular authors Stephen Covey, Anthony Robbins, John Gray and Jack Canfield, Covey calls her work “fascinating, thought-provoking and motivating.” Executive Book Summaries has gone so far as to state that Sam Horn “has added to the legacy of ideas on dealing with people left by Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln and Dale Carnegie.”
Such praise fuels Horn’s desire to be of exemplary service. A generous body complements her heart and humor (“I finally made Cosmopolitan—not as a cover girl, but with an article on how to speak up when someone’s putting you down”). Committed to excellence, she devotes an enormous amount of time preparing and tailoring the content of presentations to fit a particular audience. When not speaking, she is usually writing. Currently working on Tongue Fu! At School, her other books include Conzentrate, Full Team Ahead, What’s Holding You Back and Take the Bully By the Horns. All contain abundant alliteration, a deliberate choice with a conscious purpose: “I think alliteration makes our language lyrical and gives our minds a hook on which to hang a memory,” she states. She also employs a tool called “juxtaposition,” listing ineffective behaviors on the left and desired traits on the right. “These techniques help anchor concepts in people’s minds,” she explains. Knowing that too much of a good thing could come across as “cutesy,” Horn uses alliteration “only when it will help support the comprehension, retention and use of the material, so that it doesn’t go over the top!” Tongue Fu! has gone over well. Both the book and seminars on the topic are popular throughout the country. Horn has people from Maui to Maine “fast-forwarding through frustration” by “responding rather than reacting,” turning conflicts into cooperation” and “taking the AA train to your gain.”
Thousands have found that the memory peg suggestions reap rewarding results. “Action Plans” at the end of each chapter present practical, current dilemmas, solved using the juxtaposition concept with “Words to Lose” on the left and “Words to Use” on the right. Horn feels strongly that certain words ought seldom if ever to cross our lips. “But,” “don’t,” “can’t,” and “stop” are, she says, best avoided altogether, along with a number of others most of us use frequently. Try “losing and replacing” one at a time. Instead of, “I’d like to help you, but I’m too busy” say; “I’d like to help you, and when I I’m less pressured I’ll lend a hand.” Wasn’t that easy? And all it took was saying “and” instead of “but.” Born “on the back of a horse” in Fullerton, California (she grew up in tiny New Cuyama and had her first ride at five), Sandra Horn was quite the tomboy. The nickname came about when her father went to paint her name on a toy wagon and found it didn’t fit. “Sam” did, though, and has ever since. Horn always had a good head on her shoulders and was encouraged to become a doctor, but graduated from Sacramento State University with a degree in Recreation Administration. A competitive swimmer, she had helped put herself through school as a swim coach. She later worked on Hilton Head Island, SC with tennis star Rod Laver, whose fierce concentration was an inspiration to her and became the catalyst for a new career. “In 1978, I was reading the front page of The Washington Post’s sports section and noticed that the word ‘concentration’ was used six different times,” she recalls. “I was intrigued. I knew that concentration was the key to performance and was stunned to realize that most of us have never been taught how to acquire this all-important ability. I started researching the topic by interviewing people from all professions and walks of life, asking how they developed the ability to focus.”
She discovered that everyone who concentrates well has a ritual. “The musician tunes up, while surgeons wash up—ritual can trigger the state of focus.” Following her first presentation on “How to Concentrate,” sixteen participants asked if she would speak at their next convention and/or train their employees. The rest, as they say, is history.Through the years, Horn has held the admonishment of her parents to “do the right thing” as a personal keynote. She recalls an early example: “I was in 4-H and kept rabbits in the backyard. One cold night I didn’t want to feed them or change their bedding; I just wanted to curl up in my own warm bed. My mother said simply; ‘Do the right thing’ and I found myself out in the backyard fulfilling my responsibility.” These days, responsibilities are split with her sister, Cheri Grimm, who manages the business end of Horn’s career. “Action Seminars” includes training Tongue Fu! speakers and a product line (you can order, for example, one of those desk calendars with daily “Tongue Fu’isms” to remind you of your relational reformations). “I can hardly articulate how wonderful it is to work with someone I love and trust implicitly,” says Horn. “We have a virtual office, so we both maintain autonomy and do what we each do best—it’s a win-win situation.” During the 20 years she lived in Hawaii, Horn was instrumental in developing the prestigious Maui Writers Conference. Through her involvement with the event she has learned that it’s not enough to have important information—“we have to tell people something they don’t already know.” For her, that means developing proprietary material, something she does by “constantly interviewing people, asking real-life questions and being an observer of the world so that the world becomes our material.”
Since she has had her work unscrupulously “borrowed,” she avoids reading other books on a topic she plans to write or speak about to ensure that her product is original. While her art reflects her personal and professional integrity, Horn is also business savvy and cites the benefit of a unique contribution: “By crafting proprietary intellectual capital we become a one-of-a-kind expert,” she says. It’s this kind of advice and coaching that has built her consulting practice (Quantum Leap Consulting), something she enjoys enormously. Horn loves helping others develop their own writing and speaking careers. “I’m known for my ability to interview you and crystallize your unique experience into a one-of-a-kind message that has the potential and power to drive your career,” she states. “My mind has an uncanny ability to create original intellectual capital that can help you produce proprietary information so that you stand out as an expert on your topic. I have systematized this process—it’s called Quantum Leap Creativity.” Horn is proud (she would probably say “privileged”) to have assisted many people achieve literary or entrepreneurial success, but is most pleased when her influence moves in wider circles. She cites a client whose book, Peace is a Warm Brownie brought together 500 children of every race, religion and background. “Children with Down’s syndrome were seated next to intellectually gifted kids, Muslims next to Christians,” Horn relates, adding that she counseled the author to focus the book around the concept “Peace starts with me.” It’s a phrase some may consider Pollyannaish, yet she lives and stands behind it faithfully: “I truly believe that each of us has an opportunity on a daily basis to promote peace by choosing to act more lovingly and constructively in our relationships with others. By choosing to set the precedent, by choosing to be the quality of person we want to be even when other people aren’t—that’s how we make this happen. It’s one person at a time.” It’s also the essence of Tongue Fu! “Just because someone is yelling at me doesn’t give me the right to yell back,” says Horn. That message seems to be getting through to most readers, many of whom write to thank her for the practical, immediately applicable techniques. She was particularly gratified to hear from a 15 year-old boy in Singapore who wrote to tell her he had read it in a library.
Both her sons were born and raised in Hawaii, but Horn decided it would be good for them to experience “big city life” before going off to college. Now living on a lake in Reston, VA, she still loves the water and swimming. A single mother the past five years, she feels lucky to be raising two teen-age boys. “One of the most important things we can learn as a parent is to see ourselves as a teacher. We don’t teach our kids by telling them how they’re doing it wrong, but by telling them how they can do it right,” she says. According to Horn, getting the word “should” out of our vocabulary is a crucial first-step. “No one can undo the past and when we tell people what they should have done they feel shamed and will resent us, even if we’re right!” She also advocates becoming “a coach instead of a critic,” aiming to shape behavior instead of shame a person. “These aren’t platitudes or clichés, these word choices can make a difference and help people get along with each other instead of see each other as enemies,” she states. Brimming with energy and a positive outlook, Horn is the picture of motivation and has some advice for procrastinators: “Not being motivated is based on the erroneous assumption that we will be able to do it tomorrow, later. When we carry a constant awareness of the fragility of life, we’re more likely to appreciate it and take advantage of opportunities today. It’s not morbid to be aware of our mortality.” Horn has hewn a life that is financially successful and rich in value. “I believe the key to contentment is gratitude and that nothing else will make us happy,” she says, offering an additional suggestion: “Today, see something or someone as if for the first time.” You can see the twinkle in her eyes as she describes the surroundings she appreciates from her home office; “the diamonds are dancing on the lake, the trees sport golden, orange and lime leaves.”
Sitting nearby, appropriately enough, her female Jack Russell terrier answers to “Murph,” a name bestowed by Horn’s sons’ and their friends.She sums up her philosophy with the words that appear on Action Seminars advertising materials: “The object of education isn’t knowledge, it’s action.” Her mission is “to help individuals accelerate their personal/professional effectiveness and satisfaction.” Horn promises not to waste time on abstract theories that have no relevance in the real world. Her presentations, books, and tapes are known for being fun and full of real-life ideas you can put into use immediately at work and at home. “You can count on me,” she says, “to provide innovative, thought-provoking insights that will help you reap tangible benefits in the months and years ahead.” Too bad Sam Horn wasn’t on the California Governor’s recall ballot. She would have given Arnold a run for his money, or at least a lesson in “Tongue Glue.” Maybe she’ll run for President.